How to still have a sex life

Parenthood can derail your sex life in so many ways. So this week, we’re sharing ways you can reconnect, how to find pleasure when you’re touched out, and products to level up sexy time. And if you’re looking for more self-care and wellness tips, sign up for theSkimm’s Well newsletter.

News, tips, and trends, but sexy:

The details moms are sharing about their sex lives when it comes to frequency, satisfaction, and desire. You’re not the only one having sex once or twice a month.

How some people handle “desire discrepancy” in their relationships. It’s very common and very normal. 

These pregnancy-approved sex positions to try, broken down by trimester. Plus, what babies feel during pregnancy sex — don't worry they're fine.

How it's OK for new parents to skip sex and focus on connection instead. Plus, why one expert says there's not really such a thing as "normal" sex.

Why a new study has us questioning if the five love languages are real. OK, but some of us really need words of affirmation. 

Last week, we asked you to vote on a question to answer. The winner was:

How do I maintain a healthy sex life when I constantly feel touched out?

FEATURED EXPERT:

Shadeen Francis, LMFT, CST

Certified sex therapist and licensed marriage and family therapist

“Feeling touched out is a very common experience, especially for parents of young children. Try shifting from the idea of ‘maintaining a healthy sex life’ to ‘introducing more sexual pleasure in my life’ and see how that feels. 

“I encourage you to explore pleasure with your partner in nonsexual ways. Emotional closeness can be a bridge, and fun is a facilitator of erotic energy. These can be nurtured through conversations, shared activities, or even gestures of affection that don't lead to sexual activity. This approach helps maintain a connection without physical touch or the pressure for sex,” says Francis. 

If you're not sure where to start, Francis recommends:

• Be open with your partner: Express why you feel touched out. Be honest about what kind of touch you want to give and receive. Sex is an opportunity to experience pleasure together. If you’re suffering through it, it won’t be enjoyable for either of you. 

• Take time for yourself: Engage in activities that allow you to recharge and have personal space. Whether it's a hobby, exercise, or quiet time alone, these moments can help reset your tolerance for physical touch. Even 30 minutes of protected time makes a difference. 

• Find a balance: Between touch that expresses affection and still respects your need for space. This could mean more cuddling or hand-holding. Get creative with some low-touch sexual activities, like mutual masturbation, erotic storytelling, sensual massages, sex toys, and visual teasing.  

• Explore self-touch: Reacquaint your body with receiving self-directed pleasure. This could look like lotioning your skin, wearing clothes made of materials that feel good on your body, stretching, self-massage, and masturbation.

• Put it on the calendar: Scheduling sexual time allows you to mentally prepare for physical intimacy and ensures that both partners' needs are met because you’re protecting the time and energy to show up for one another. 

For expert advice on how to approach masturbating when it’s not your thing, check out our Well newsletter. And subscribe here to get weekly science-backed info, news, tips, and wellness recs for your health.

Let us help you get your spot. We’re building a new tool to guide you through making major life decisions, like who should care for your kids. Check out our five-step guide with expert-backed info on how to pick a daycare that’s right for you. Then let us know how we could improve it. We want to make your life easier, one choice at a time.

A few recs to add a little oomph to your sex life:

Dame’s Pillo will help you hit those angles, no matter the sex position. Comfort and pleasure — yes, please.

Playground’s Mood Maker Intimacy Oil is safe for your vulva, clitoris, and other intimate areas before, during, or after sex. Smells great, too.

Wonderlust’s Mindful Intimacy Card Deck makes talking about sex less awkward so you can have more time for fun.

Psst…If you want to learn more about wellness and sex, sign up for theSkimm’s Well newsletter. Plus check out their latest edition all about sex here.

We still have thoughts. This week, we ranked the latest sex trends from 0–10 with absolutely no science behind it. 

Hard pass

• 3/10 DIY sex toys: Umm… use at your own risk. Stay safe, folks.

Ehh

• 5/10 Organic sex products, like oils, lubes, and wipes. While we love an upgrade, there’s nothing wrong with getting some K-Y during a diaper run at CVS either.

More of This

• 8/10 Erotic audio: If visual porn isn’t your thing, there’s audio porn, “faerie smut,” and erotic podcasts. Whatever works.

• 10/10 Asking for what you want… in bed. Speak up, ladies. 

No Comment

• ?/10 Vagina plugs. We’ll just leave this here.