Apparently, I don't have boundaries

The latest in parenting news, tips, and trends:

How tongue-tie surgeries are big business… and don’t always help babies breastfeed better, according to the New York Times.

A recall and a plot twist: Quaker pulls granola bars from shelves due to salmonella risks. And those contaminated fruit pouches may have happened on purpose.

This viral trend that shows what it’s really like to do the holidays with little kids. Just keep smiling.

How the placenta's size may contribute to stillbirths — one doc says a simple test could help babies in 30% of those cases. But some say, “It’s not that easy.”

In doll news: The next big movie to hit theaters has nothing to do with Barbie, and McDonald's Happy Meals now come with a plush one.

Last week, we asked you to vote on a question to answer. The winner was:

What’s the best way to promote language development?

FEATURED EXPERT:

Heidi Feldman, MD, PhD

Division chief of the Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics department at Stanford Medicine Children’s Health

“In language development, the parent’s role is to offer excellent ‘language nutrition.’ Young children learn far more from the communication directed to them than from other talk in the environment, such as adult conversation or television output,” says Feldman.

Try these recs:

• Speak to them often, and narrate what you’re doing when completing everyday tasks, like folding laundry or cooking. The same goes for their tasks — use language to describe or explain what your kid is doing.  

• Read together to increase language input and build vocabulary. For infants, it’s not necessary to read all the words — it’s enough to point to pictures and talk about them.

• Demonstrate the action you’re talking about (charades prepared you for this). Use your body and point to the object you’re talking about to grab your kid’s attention and help them better understand the conversation.

• Embrace your native language, and feel comfortable speaking your first language with your baby, says Feldman. Kids can learn two languages simultaneously.

Parent-centered advice, recs, and resources.

We’ve Been Thinking About Boundaries All Wrong — Dr. Becky Explains

Heads up: Making a request is not the same thing as setting a boundary. Boundaries are the things we tell people we will do. Meaning: the other person isn’t required to do anything, says clinical psychologist Becky Kennedy, PhD, (aka Dr. Becky), founder of Good Inside. “In some ways, a boundary is a way of saying, ‘This is what I need to feel good in my role.’ I’m the only one who needs to give myself approval,” says Dr. Becky.

Here’s how this can play out IRL: Say at the dinner table, you usually let your kids eat what they want and don’t make them finish their plate. But a relative disagrees. 

Making a request sounds like: “We don’t make Nala finish her dinner, so please don’t tell her to do that.” If your uncle responds, “She has to finish her food,” that’s not violating a boundary — that’s ignoring your request.

Setting a boundary sounds like: “A rule we have is that we’re in charge of the food on Nala’s plate. We decide what is served, and Nala decides whether she eats any of it and how much. I’m going to ask others not to comment on her food, and if those comments come, you’re going to hear me say: ‘Hey sweetie, you know our rules, you don’t have to listen to the other adults, you don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to eat, it’s totally up to you.’” 

Next time you’re thinking about setting a boundary — remember to not make it dependent upon someone else. Communicate clearly what you’ll do if someone does something. You’ve got the control.

Psst… If you want to set firm boundaries this holiday season (think: about gift-giving or managing your kid’s expectations), Dr. Becky gives us her expert advice here.

CDC Director Gives Timeline on New RSV Doses for Babies

TLDR: About 230,000 doses are expected to be available mid-January 2024.

That means the US will have the capacity to provide shots to almost 40% of the eligible babies this RSV season.Last month, CDC Director Mandy Cohen, MD, MPH, told us manufacturing delays led to shortages of the monoclonal antibody shot (called nirsevimab). We followed up this week to see where things stand as parents face peak RSV season.

Q: Do you think there will still be high demand for these shots in January since RSV cases are around their peak and starting to decline?

A: Even though we will be later in the season, we still think there will be RSV circulating, so [it’s] good to get that protection. Right now, it's prevention time. You can do things like handwashing, covering your cough and sneezes, and most importantly, avoiding contact with people who are sick. 

Q: What would you tell parents of young babies who are dealing with all kinds of viral diseases right now, but don’t have access to the shot?

A: For the first time, we do have RSV immunizations for our babies. We know folks are frustrated because of the short supply. If your baby does get sick, make sure they're drinking enough fluids, that you're monitoring them for worsening symptoms, and that you’re getting in touch with your pediatrician.

Since it's gift-giving season, here’s one of our top recs:

Disconnect & Slow Down With Buddha Board

Want to practice mindfulness but don’t know where to start? This drawing board is it. Inspired by the Zen idea of living in the moment, Buddha Board uses only water to draw. As the water slowly evaporates, your art will fade, leaving you with a clean slate (and hopefully a clear mind). The set comes with a bamboo brush and stand, and includes a reservoir for water. 

PS: The portable Mini Buddha Board is a great option for travel that kids can use too — just make sure they’re gentle since the board can easily be scratched.