5 things that send kids to the ER

The latest in parenting news, tips, and trends:

The five things that send kids to the ER every summer, and how you can avoid injuries, according to an ER pediatrician.

How to cut back on ultra-processed foods, including healthier swaps. Don’t stress over being perfect — try the 80/20 rule.

Why you may need to have the bra convo earlier than you think. Don’t worry, there are ways to not make it awkward.

The six simple phrases you can say to show support if your son comes out. Remember: Body language matters too.

How being a working mom gets even more complicated for professional athletes. One player claims she was harassed by a coach for being pregnant.

Q: My daughter’s ‘best friend’ stopped talking to her, and now she’s very sad. How do I help her?

As much as we like, we will not be able to shield our kids from every pain or remove the heartache associated with relationship failures. The most effective thing we can do is to listen to our child, says Dr. Arwa Nasir, a pediatrician and pediatrics professor at the University of Nebraska Medical Center. 

Here’s how to support your kid: 

• Ask them to share what happened: Helping your child talk about it can be therapeutic in many ways. It can help them identify some elements of what happened more clearly, while also naming how it made them feel.

• Show empathy: Your support and compassion are the best interventions, according to Dr. Nasir. You could say, “This must be hard.” Modeling empathy will help them develop empathy toward others too.  

• Don’t make it about you: Avoid saying, "I know how you feel.” First, it’s not true, and second, it minimizes their personal experience. This is also not the time to tell a story of your own. Remember: The focus is on your kid’s experience. 

• Don’t bash the friend: Unless the other person is clearly mean or a bully, try to avoid talking badly about them. Demonizing the other person will interfere with the possibility of repairing the relationship. The breakup may be a misunderstanding that can be repaired. Pro tip: Try talking about those possibilities once your kid has calmed down and they’ve begun to process things rationally.

• Don’t try to problem-solve: Don’t tell them what to do and say, or make them apologize. This would deprive them of the opportunity of learning how to solve problems for themselves.

• Give them time to process: It’s OK for your kid to be sad for a little while, as long as you’re there to listen. It may be helpful if your kid keeps doing their usual chores and activities since it can offer mild distractions, but you don’t want to take extreme measures to distract them, like allowing more screen time or taking them shopping. Extreme distractions can promote escapism and a low tolerance for uncomfortable situations. 

If your child still seems down after a couple of weeks, you may want to talk to your pediatrician.

Do you have a parenting question you want answered by an expert? Ask anonymously here. Your question could be answered in next week's email.

How to Split Household Tasks When Your Partner Travels A Lot 

It can be easy to feel like you have an unsupportive partner if you don't have established household routines. Instead of letting shame, stress, and resentment make it harder to collaborate with your partner, take a step back and look at the logistics of the situation, says Shadeen Francis, a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Here are her tips to divide household tasks: 

• Set a dedicated time for a check-in: Think of it as a household audit. How are things running? What’s not working? And importantly, how are you feeling? Make this a routine conversation. 

• Make a good, old-fashioned list: Write down all the household and childcare tasks you both do daily. Next, divide the tasks. Start with selecting the to-dos you like doing, then, divvy up the rest — this may lead to some requests and negotiations. Remember: There may be others who could support you. For example, if it's in the budget, it could mean paying for a meal or cleaning service. 

• Modify the schedule for travel: Now that you have a daily routine in action, you can ask yourselves: What happens to these tasks when one of you is away? If your partner says ‘yes’ to doing the laundry and dinner on Tuesdays and Thursdays, they need to be accountable for coming up with a plan around what happens when they’re away. 

• Communicate your needs: Perhaps you need a break from parenting duties when your partner returns. Tell them that. “Most things are unlikely to happen if you don't ask for them. Your partner is usually a person who loves and cares about you and wants to support you,” says Francis. 

• Keep the goal in mind: Households tend to run best when there are routines, says Francis. Keep the convos ongoing, and soon you’ll have established routines for your day-to-day and when there’s business travel.

How disappointed would you be if you no longer received the Skimm Parenting newsletter in your inbox?

Raising a Kid Can Cost More Than $30K a Year

In a world where the price of just about everything is rising (thanks, inflation) it’s no surprise that the cost of raising a child is too. SmartAsset (a fintech company) gathered info from 381 metro areas across the US to figure out just how much it costs to raise a kid in different parts of the country. The new report factors in the price of food, housing, childcare, healthcare, and transportation in households with two adults.   

Here’s what they found: 

• The average cost to raise a child in the US is $20,813 a year.

• San Francisco, Oakland, and Berkeley are the most expensive places to raise a child, with total costs adding up to $35,647. 

• Morrisville, TN is the most affordable place to raise a child (total of $14,577 a year). Plus, South Carolina has some of the least expensive areas to raise a child. 

• Annual food costs for a child are between $1,768 and $2,111. (There was little variation in food costs based on location.)

• Couples with one child spend an average of $3,407 more on housing than childless couples. The Santa Cruz, CA metro area has the most expensive additional housing costs for a child at $12,636 a year. Compared to Fayetteville, NC where housing for a kid is $1,252 a year.

How disappointed would you be if you no longer received the Skimm Parenting newsletter in your inbox?